How to Set Your Goals When You Don’t Know What You Want

My youngest sister recently graduated over the summer; I wrote a blog for study tips for her if you’re interested. And since her graduation, we’ve been having a lot of conversations about what she wants to do next. She’s enrolled in grad school now, but she keeps coming back to the same question: what am I actually working towards?

And honestly? I get it. Because here’s the thing—we live in a world obsessed with goals. Set your intentions. Manifest your dreams. Make a five-year plan. But nobody’s talking about what happens when you can’t even figure out what you want in the first place.

You’re not lazy. You’re not unmotivated. You just…don’t know. And that’s where things get tricky.

Everyone wants the basics, right? Financial stability, meaningful relationships, a life that feels good. But those are outcomes, not goals. To actually get there, you need actionable steps. But how do you set your goals when you don’t even know what direction you’re heading?

If you can picture yourself twenty years from now living a good life but have zero clue how to get there, this post is for you. Let’s figure out how to set your goals even when everything feels foggy.

Why Not Knowing Is Actually Okay (And Sometimes Necessary) 

Let me say something that might sound controversial: not knowing what you want isn’t a personality flaw. In fact, it’s often a sign that you’re in the middle of something important: growth, transition, or just figuring out who you are now versus who you used to be.

Society conditions us to believe that successful people always have a plan. They know exactly where they’re going, and they’ve got their vision boards all sorted out. But that’s not reality. Confusion often precedes clarity. It’s not the enemy of progress; it’s actually part of the process.

Here’s what “not knowing” actually looks like:

• You’re overwhelmed: Too many options, too much noise, too many people telling you what you should want. Your brain’s basically buffering because there’s too much input.
• You’re in a discovery phase: You’re becoming someone new, and your old goals don’t fit anymore. This isn’t confusion—it’s evolution.
• You’re burnt out: The things that used to excite you feel hollow now, and you haven’t figured out what lights you up next.

Here’s the danger though. When you force yourself to set your goals before you’re ready—just because you feel like you should—you end up with plans you abandon three weeks later. Then comes the guilt, the “why can’t I stick to anything” phase, and suddenly you’re worse off than when you started.

So, don’t feel like you’re falling behind or wasting time. You’ll get there. And at the risk of sounding corny, I’m gonna say that you need to believe in yourself—even when it feels weird to do that. No one’s going to show up for you more than you will for yourself.

Start With What You DON’T Want 

Now, I know. It sounds a bit pessimistic to start like this but here’s the thing nobody talks about: sometimes it’s way easier to figure out what you don’t want than what you do. And honestly? It works.

The process of elimination is seriously underrated. When you’re staring at a blank page trying to figure out your goals, starting with what drains you, frustrates you, or makes you miserable is actually a smart move. It gives you boundaries to work within.

Try This Exercise

Grab a notebook (or your notes app) and write down everything you want to move away from. Not what you want to achieve, just what you want to escape. Think about:

• Tasks that make you feel dead inside
• Situations that drain your energy
• Patterns you keep falling into that you hate
• Feelings you never want to experience again

When I did this way back in 2019, before this blog, one of the things on the top of my list was having my own money to have fun, not chase shoddy freelance clients for payments, and actually be good at what I did (writing). And yeah, this might sound meh to some people but it is important to me.

And honestly, knowing this helped me actually get a job as a writer, move to technical writing, marketing and finally product which I kind of always wanted to do. I just didn’t know the word for it. Like, I still want to be in a different industry but product’s the department I’ll always be in.

When you write down things like: “I don’t want to feel rushed every morning,” you’re basically revealing that you value calm, intentional starts to your day. That’s a value you can build goals around.

Or, maybe you’ll say something like: “I don’t want to work weekends anymore.” That reveals you value boundaries between work and personal time. And you can set your goals around protecting that.

And this is what makes this list amazing. It reveals your values in reverse. Every “I don’t want this” is secretly telling you what you do want—you just have to flip it. And sometimes that’s the clarity you need to actually move forward.

Experiment With Micro Commitments Instead of Big Goals

This might seem pretty generic. I think I’ve seen a bunch of IG influencers talk about setting micro goals too. And normally, I’m pretty skeptical of those guys but this is actually good advice.

And it’s because life is unpredictable, and in this economy? Let’s take it one day at a time, especially if you’re feeling lost.

I mean, think about it. You’re here because you’re looking for advice, right? So, I’m not going to tell you that you need a long-term, five-year plan that requires a lot of planning. You’ll get overwhelmed.

That’s a recipe for disaster. So instead of big, scary goals, try smaller ones. Think of them as goal sprints—short bursts of 1-2 weeks where you test something out without the pressure of it being “the answer.”

Here’s How You Can Do This

Pick something small and commit to it for a limited time. Maybe it’s “I’m going to write for 20 minutes every morning for three weeks”—I’m literally doing this right now for the final edits of my manuscript—or “I’m going to try learning basic coding for a month”—that’s actually how I taught myself Solidity when I worked for a blockchain company in 2022.

 The key is that it’s temporary. You’re not deciding your entire future—you’re just experimenting. During these sprints, keep a simple log. Nothing fancy, just jot down:

• What gave you energy during this experiment?
• What drained you?
• Did you look forward to it or dread it?
• What surprised you about the process?

This isn’t about finding your passion in two weeks. It’s about building self-knowledge. Actual self-knowledge. Not Twitter fodder. Every experiment teaches you something about what fits and what doesn’t. And over time, those little insights start to crystallize into a clearer direction.

The beauty of micro commitments is that they remove the pressure. If something doesn’t work out, you’re only out a couple of weeks. No guilt, no “I failed at another goal” spiral. You just pivot and try something else.

Use “Directional Goals” Rather Than Destination Goals

Okay, so now, let’s say you’ve done the anti-goals exercise. You’ve tried some micro goals. But you still don’t have this crystal-clear picture of where you’re going. That’s fine. Because here’s the thing: you don’t actually need a destination to make progress.

This is where directional goals come in.

Instead of saying “I want to be a senior product manager by 2027” (which requires you to know exactly what you want), you can say “I want to move toward more strategic work and less execution.” See the difference? One locks you into a specific endpoint. The other gives you a direction to move in.

Directional Goals Can Look Like

• “I want to move toward more creativity in my work”
• “I want to move toward better work-life boundaries”
• “I want to move toward financial independence”
• “I want to move toward deeper relationships”

This approach creates momentum without requiring perfect clarity. You can make decisions based on if something moves you closer to or further from that direction. And as you move, the path becomes clearer.

For example, let’s say your directional goal is “I want to move toward more creative work.” You don’t need to know if that means graphic design, writing, or video editing yet. You just start making small moves: take a design course, start a blog, volunteer for projects that let you brainstorm. Each step teaches you something, and eventually, the destination reveals itself.

It’s less about having the answer and more about having a compass.

Give Yourself Permission to Pivot (And a Timeline) 

Here’s something nobody tells you: you’re allowed to change your mind. In fact, you should change your mind as you learn more about yourself. But there’s the catch—you need to give yourself a timeline. Not because you need to have everything figured out by a certain date, but because “I’m still figuring it out” can become a comfortable excuse if you let it go on too long.

Set a check-in date with yourself. Maybe it’s quarterly, maybe it’s every six months. Mark it on your calendar. When that date comes, ask yourself:

• Am I actually exploring and learning, or am I just going through the motions?
• Have I taken any action on my directional goals, or am I still in the planning phase?
• What have I learned about myself in the past few months?
• Do I need to pivot, or do I need to commit?

The point isn’t to have all the answers by that date. The point is to be honest with yourself about whether you’re productively exploring or just avoiding decisions.

Because there’s a difference between “I don’t know what I want yet” and “I’m afraid to commit to anything.” One is a valid phase of growth. The other is procrastination dressed up as self-discovery.

If you realize you’ve been going through the motions, that’s okay. Acknowledge it, adjust, and try something different. But at least you’re being intentional about it instead of drifting indefinitely.

And Most Importantly: Breathe—You Got This!

I think the most important piece of advice I can give you right now is to breathe. Seriously. Everyone feels lost at some point in their life. If you don’t know what you want, it doesn’t mean that you’re falling behind, it just means that you’re figuring things out. And that’s fine—everyone has their own timeline.

Trust me, as someone who finally went back to school, I actually believe in this. My life’s turned around from an absolutely horrific situationship spanning five years, a bad job situation, a global pandemic that completely ruined my original academic and career plan, to where I am today: financially secure, being able to take care of the people I love. AND I’m ending the year looking at a serious promotion. If I can turn it around, you can too.

And I know, you’re probably thinking that it’s easier said than done, but trust, hard work does pay off. The system might be skewed against you, it’ll take you longer than it should, but you’ll end up exactly where you need to be.

Just be true to yourself, take care of yourself, and you’ll be able to set your goals, achieve what you want, and you’ll be fine. Seriously, you’ll be fine.